No, Really
by The Goddess of Percabeth
Summary: Artemis and Wally serve as regular babysitters for Lian. Not many people know about Roy and Jade's child, so when Barry Allen decides to swing by for a surprise visit, he sees a baby with red hair, and Vietnamese eyes, and proceeds to have a nuclear-level meltdown in the living room. Based on Headcanon #16 from Young Justice Headcanons. Spitfire. Collab fic with pseudobatgirl.


**Title: No, Really**

**Authors: The Goddess of Percabeth and pseudobatgirl**

**Category: Young Justice (Invasion, pre-depths)**

**Rating: T for Sexual References**

**Length: 1,010 Words**

**Summary: Artemis and Wally serve as regular babysitters for Lian. Not many people know about Roy and Jade's child, so when Barry Allen decides to swing by for a surprise visit, he sees a baby with red hair, and Vietnamese eyes, and proceeds to have a nuclear-level meltdown in the living room. Based on Headcanon #16 from Young Justice Headcanons.**

"Hey, Artemis? She's crying again!" Wally says nervously, holding Lian away from his chest. Her face is scrunched up, red, and she's screaming.

"Can you just give me two seconds?" She yells from the kitchen over the wails of the baby.

He runs into the room. "I don't know what's wrong!" He says, and she puts the formula down and takes Lian in her arms.

"She has a wet diaper, Wally. Can you change it while I mix her formula?" She asks, passing him Lian and shaking the bottle. He heads into the nursery to change her diaper.

A few minutes later, he hears someone knock on the door lightly. "One second," He calls out behind him.

"Is someone at the door?" Artemis asks from the kitchen. The person outside knocks on the door again. "I'll take that as a yes," She mutters.

But they're so busy with Lian, trying to get her to calm down, they don't answer the door. Soon it opens.

"Hey Wally, are you in here?" He hears Barry call. Stepping out from the kitchen, the younger speedster places the formula bottle on the counter as he goes.

"Now's not a good time, can you come back later?" He asks, casting a glance in the general direction of the nursery.

"Why? What's going on?" He asks, but before Wally can answer, Artemis walks into the living room holding Lian.

"Thanks for the help," She grumbles and turns to smile at the older speedster. "Hey, Barry. What's up?" She asks, passing Lian to her boyfriend. Barry doesn't answer, his face turning a bright red. He takes in the looks of the baby, Lian's bright red hair and slightly upturned, Vietnamese eyes.

"Wally, is he okay?" Artemis asked with a concerned expression on her face.

He shrugs, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "I'm not really sure," He answers, waving a hand in front of Barry's shocked face.

"YOU TWO HAD A KID?" He yells all of a sudden in Wally's face. The boy staggers back. "What did you two do? Oh my God, how could you have not told me? I thought you two were using protection! You even _TOLD_ me you never wanted to see Artemis pregnant because she would be way too moody!" He says, starting to pace around the room, his hands placed frantically on his head.

"Wait, what did you say about me?" Artemis asks, danger rising in her voice.

"Hold on for a second," Wally says nervously, passing her Lian. "Barry, Lian isn't—" He starts to say, but his uncle interrupts him.

"Don't even talk right now. I just need a while to process the fact that you got Artemis pregnant, kept that fact a secret, and are raising the baby as you're going to college," He huffs, going pale.

"Barry, are you all right?" Artemis asks, supporting Lian's head in the crook of her arm and rocking her back and forth.

"No actually, I'm not," Barry gasps out, putting his head in his hands. "You had your whole life ahead of you. A career in the League- oh _God,_ what will your mother think? Not even—" Suddenly, his eyes roll back inside his head and he falls to the floor.

"Wally, help!" Artemis says, and he runs over to Barry.

"I think he fainted," Wally concludes, reaching out to check his mentor's pulse. It's normal and he hauls him onto their couch, propping him up with a pillow. "I think this surprised him," He suggests, standing back up.

"Did you really think I'd be moody if I was pregnant?" Artemis asks, holding Lian (who thankfully is no longer crying) to her hip. The baby just points to him and laughs.

He gulps and says, "No, of course not. Barry was just…confused." He puts on a poker face, even though he knows Artemis sees right through it (one of the downsides of living with your girlfriend).

She raises and eyebrow. "Uh huh," She sighs. "Whatever. Just get a cold washcloth and put it on his head. We'll figure out what to do _after_feed and put Lian down."

Wally does as she says and further assists her with Lian. Just as the baby is about to fall asleep, they hear a ruckus in the living room. It's Barry; he's woken up and from the sound of it, he's calling someone. "Ollie, you have got to get down here. I-_no, it's not a false alarm-_ I'm at Wally and Artemis' place and when I walked in, what do I see? _No, Ollie, it's_not _inappropriate._They have a kid! An actual, _living_ kid! No, I'm not lying! Come see for yourself!" He hangs up and jumps when he notices the couple standing in the doorway, scowls on their faces.

There's a knock on the door. "And that would be Ollie," Artemis deadpans. She opens it. "Welcome to the party," She says bemusedly.

"Artemis! Is it true? _Please_tell me it's not true," He begs.

She sighs. "Come on in. I guess you guys need some explanations," She makes the two men sit down on the couch. Her and her boyfriend stand in front of them, arms crossed. She turns to Wally. "So, you want to tell them?"

He laughs once, hollowly. "Gladly," He looks at their former mentors, irritated. "First of all, _Lian isn't ours."_

"Then who-" Barry starts, but Wally cuts him off.

"I'll get to that. Lian's not ours, because she's _Roy and Jade's."_

"_WHAT_?" Ollie screams, standing up in shock.

Artemis gestures to her watch for Wally and mouths, _We're late._He nods. She continues audibly, "Well, now that you guys are here, can you watch the kids?" She picks up her purse as her boyfriend grabs his coat.

Barry's eyebrows furrow. "_Kids?_With an_s_?"

"I guess we forgot to tell you," Wally says with a smirk. "Dick's coming over with Damian in a few minutes."

"But don't worry," Artemis adds. "He was very young when he was trained to be an assassin."

Barry and Ollie exchange looks of horror as the young couple leaves, locking the door behind them.

**And that's it. Big thanks to pseudobatgirl, my partner in crime!**

**UPDATE AS OF 1/26/2013: This is strictly a oneshot. Sorry. **


End file.
